All's Fair in Love and Poop

I know, I know! Only my second post and already I've succumbed to the temptation to write about my kids and their toilet habits! But in my defense, I've had a tough time composing a second post. When I started I knew that I wouldn't be a daily blogger. But surely I'd find time once or twice a week to share some stories or ideas with all of you. Well what was I thinking? I predicted that if anything stopped me from writing it would be a lack of inspiration or motivation. But in fact the problem is distraction. Funny, who'd a thunk it. I only have two almostfouryearolds running around, stuck in the house because it's so dang cold. What on earth could be the distraction? ha. The following is a true account of ONE of my many attempts to sit down and write something.


Me: Ok Delicate Flower and Wild Man, Mommy is going to do some work on the computer. You've got JoJo playing on the living room tv and Spiderman on the playroom tv. I've put out some playdoh and some coloring books. I got down the puzzle bucket and the blocks and I set the tents up in your room if you want to play camping. Now.....go play.

"typetytypetytypetype"

DF: Maaammaa. I'm thirsty.

Me: OK...(getting up). Here's a drink for you and for your brother. Now go play

"typetytypetype"

WM: Maammma. I can't get spiderman in his car. His leg is stuck because he's got big muuuscles. Like ME! See maama! Look Mamma. MOMMY. Look, look at my big muscles. Just like Spiderman. Can you help me get spiderman in his car?

Me: OK.....(insert stiff plastic man in tiny car with non-working doors). There ya go.

"type type"

DF: Maaaamaa! WM squeezed me!

Me: WM, why did you squeeze DF?

WM: Cuz she pushed me.

Me: DF, why did you push WM

DF: He pushed me first and took my bear!

Me: WM, why did you take her bear?

WM: Cuz I'm hate her.

Insert 20 minutes of crying and pouting and tantruming due to a lengthy time out.

Me: Now listen, I'm going to do some work on the computer. Be nice and go play.

"type" Um....what was I thinking? Oh yeah "typetytype"

Fast forward 10 minutes where a sudden panic overtakes me as I realize it has been QUIET...too quiet. I hear pitter patter upstairs and a sudden alarming wail. I sprint up the stairs and find DF in near hysterics.

Me: DF! What's wrong???

DF: WM flushed my POOOOOOP! waaaaah!

Me: WM! You don't flush other people's poop, only your own! Why did you flush DF's poop?

WM: cuz I'm like to

Now I wonder how the heck I'm going to fix this situation. Then I've got it....

Me: WM, next time you go poop you let DF flush it.

WM: ok!

Fast forward 10 more minutes. I've been writing and rewriting the same sentence and can't get it right. The whole poop incident is forgotten.

WM: MOM! Mom! Maaamma!

Me: fortheloveofgodWHAT?

WM: DF flushed my POOP!

Me: DF! We don't flush other peoples...

WM: Mom, mom....member? I flushed DF's poop and her cried and now I pooped and I let her flush my poop. And now her not sad anymore! That's good teamwork right mom?

Uhhh...sure dear, good teamwork. Wanna go to the mall?

Monday, November 26, 2007

I've Got a Funny Feeling

You know this song right?

Bum ba bum bada bum bum
Bum ba bum bada bum bum

NO…not Ice Ice Baby. That's...
BA Bum ba bum bada bum bum

I mean the Queen/Bowie one…Under Pressure. That's the funny feeling that I've got. It’s a fitting description of how I feel thanks to my beloved sister BA. You can read what she did to me here. Wow, that was a diabolical but brilliant plan she had, getting all her blogger friends to gang up on me. Who wouldn’t crumble under that kind of pressure? I only wish she didn’t adore me so much. I only wish she had downplayed my brilliance and my humor. Because NOW that you all know how fabulous I am, I’m under so much PRESSURE! Now my first post can never live up to the high expectations you have. BA’s post should have read something like this:

“I’m trying to get my slow but sweet sister to do some blogging. Her poor mommy brain is so crammed with useless baby information that she can’t carry on a coherent conversation with adults. Please don’t expect too much. She’ll probably only write about her kids’ sleeping and eating habits, her kids’ arguing and whining, her kids’ achievements and the funny things that her kids say. Oh, and she might throw in a few stories about her husband’s typical frustrating man-type behavior. But please give her a chance. In time she may break through and gain access to the pre-baby parts of her brain. She may eventually have something interesting to say.”

See if BA had written THAT, well then I could have written my first post and TA DAAAAAAA…it would have been automatic brillance, at least compared to what you would have been expecting. Wouldn't that have been a nice surprise?

Oh well…it is what it is. Would you like an introduction to my family? Here they are…

Mister Fixit: my quietly opinionated husband. He’s a jack of all trades. He knows a little bit about almost all things electrical, mechanical or construction related. He often jokes that he dabbles in everything but he’s an expert at nothing. Still, he gets the job done.

Handsome Brute: my 7 year old son. This is a name my MIL gave him and it seems appropriate. He’s got big green eyes and wavy hair, is built like a tank but very softhearted. HB is a man’s man for sure. He loves hunting, camping and fishing just like his dad.

Delicate Flower: my almost 4 year old daughter. She’s always cold and needs to sleep more than the boys. She complains that they are too loud. She’s very particular and likes things “just so”. My mom calls it “pitzle futzing”. She’s always tired too. Yes, I had her tested. She’s fine…she’s just lazy, er, I mean delicate.

?????????: I’m stuck on what to call my almost 4 year old son. Maybe my sister can help me? He’s a ham…always dancing or singing or doing tricks or showing people his muscles. He loves Spiderman. He loves to help his daddy fix stuff in the garage. He’s either in such a bad mood that he’s just foul or he’s in such a good mood that he’s the sweetest thing ever. He has huge brown eyes that would melt the coldest heart. He’s the most affectionate of my three. I’ll have to think some more on him.

Well I guess that’s my first post. What do you think? Are you all proud that you were able to bend me to your wills? Do you feel the power? Don’t let it go to your collective heads…